My Nan died today. I was with her when it happened. I've never loved anyone who's died before and its a strange feeling, even if you're expecting it. Nan isn't in the world anymore.
I'm not sure how I'll feel reading all this back.
I'm determined not to remember nan with rose tinted glasses - she has a great many faults (don't we all?) but she was such an amazing woman. She was so funny! I can remember once she was sitting next to a cabinet full of cookery magazines - many from the 70s. She was wearing a bright turquoise, silk dressing gown with gold trim (Martin called it her Elvis outfit), her hair was wild and she was tearing the magazines out and all over the floor in a frenzied fashion. I walked in and said 'Nan what on earth are you up to now?' to which she turned, looked at me, shrugged, gave me the two fingered salute and promptly carried on! She had no clue what she was looking for. Martin & I cried we were laughing so much. She was certainly not your average 'little old lady'.
She always did everything with determination, like a little powerhouse. Today though, she wasn't powerful, she was weak and frail. I didn't recognise her although when I really looked, Nan was there. Watching her die was hard but seeing her lay there, not really with us anymore was different to what I expected. I thought she would look 'dead' but it was like she was still there. It made it so hard to leave. Thank God I know Him and so did she, thank God He was with me and that I know she wasn't in the room when I left, she was safe with Him.
I would imagine she'll be up there now, with a glass of ginger wine, having a dance with Jesus and making him chuckle. I hope so.
God Bless you nan, thank you for everything you taught me and for the fun you gave me.
Thank you for letting me love you and look after you.
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