Stress, Anger and Me

I've been quite 'stressed' lately, but to be honest its all self inflicted. I've been looking at the way busy people live and realising nothing will change unless I want it to. I'm committed to some things now and I won't let people down, but I need to commit to myself that I won't get this busy again. I started thinking about why people stay so busy...I'm sure for some people they enjoy it, but I think for some people its more about feeling guilty about having free time and feeling like a better person when you can talk about your overfilled diary - I know I've had a buzz when people have looked shocked at how much I'm doing. But ultimately when people convince themselves they are victims of their own diary its a lie - I am taking control!

I saw Rachel (my counsellor) on Wednesday and we hit upon something while talking about guilt and shame. Guilt has a base in anger and anger unresolved can be toxic. I have a lot of unresolved anger, mainly with myself. I'm angry with myself about so many things and when I think about why, I think a good half of it is because its easier - If you upset me, and I can find a way to convince myself its my fault then I can be angry with me and I don't have to tell you, risk you being upset with me and try to resolve our relationship.

The problem is that stress and internalised anger is bad for my health in so many ways! It causes obesity, IBS, depression, anxiety, and many other things - my homework this week is to find out more about the consequences, and then my plan is to sort it out over the next few weeks!!

Expect more info soon :)

So Heavenly Focused, You're Of Huge Earthly Good?

Church was amazing today. Yinka preached, and he started with the quote 'So heavenly focused, you're of no earthly good'. And then he said he thinks its nonsense. It made me think (just what you hope for in a good preach!) that quite often we hear a 'quote' and just accept it as truth - I certainly would have with that one - the idea that people can be so embroiled on the idea of the 'next' life that they're missing this one was one that bugged me. But actually Heaven is now. When Jesus died, he said 'it is finished'. We're meant to be 'in the world but not of the world' and we're fighting against 'powers and principalities' not against flesh. Actually we are more useful if we're operating in heavenly realms. We can see things much more clearly, and we can be hugely more effective.

The community cafe I work at is running an Alpha course, and I've been to two. Last week was amazing, but this week I could feel the attack, there was opposition - I felt frustrated when I left but on reflection the opposition is great news - it means we're moving in the right direction, it means we're causing upsets and it means God is with us. It also means we need to make sure we're well protected!

I also offered to help a married woman, just to pray with her and support her. I then had a minor 'tiff' with Martin and I got to thinking that when you put yourself out to fight in a certain area for God, you need to make sure that you are protected in that area of your own life - the best way to undermine any ministry is to have that area of your life in a bad place! Thanks God for giving us eyes to see :)

Well I need to go now - my roast dinner is calling me :)