Beautiful Day

Today has been awesome from begining to end. I have an interst free credit card to balance transfer, I have nice hair (a gift from a friend & God), and even better was work!

Here is how some of it went...

Charl picked me up, and took me to work -I was feeling nervous cos she was leaving me in charge for only the second time ever, with a lady from the estatee who volunteers. We prayed and I headed off to the cafe.

When I arrived the lady (we'll call her Evie cos its cute) had already opened up and got everything sorted for the day, it struck me what it probably meant for her to be trusted to do that. Evies niece came to the cafe for the day and at this point Evie (who's not a Christian) said to her neice (we'll call her Hannah) 'Sarah and Charl like to pray in the morning, so Sarah's going to pray now!'. Hannah, bless her thought she had to leave at this point! I meanwhile was in shock at the love and respect of our beliefs. So after convincing Hannah she could stay I prayed for the day - that God would move, protect, bless, deal with the little things, allow us to be a blessing, look after Charl. I felt a bit silly actually but very honoured.

Then we just got on with the day, Evie was amazing - so calm and so willing to serve and let me be peaceful. Lots of lovely little things happened; she brought me coffee for home cos she has heard me say we didn't have any (something a lot of Christians would miss - shes always looking to be a blessing), she realised she is needed and wanted and a help on the estate. People came and went, we served and hopefully blessed them.

Then at the end of the day, we all sat and chatted - me, Evie, Hannah and a regular who is always helping clear away. And seemingly out of nowhere, Hannah said to me 'you know earlier when you prayed? It really choked me up and brought tears to my eyes - I don't pray and I don't know why but it was nice'. I was surprised! Before I could say anything Evie said 'Charl took me to a boiler room Friday and prayed for me and I had to walk away because I couldn't stop crying! - I don't know what made me so tearful'. I was then able to talk about meeting with God - how He is always there but when we pray we take the time to stop and meet with Him and it affects us. But all I could think was how I had no idea it had made an impact on Hannah, and I just assumed she was thinking I was a nutter! I wonder how many times we could make an impact but don't because we're too worried about what people will think of us! We all then went on to talk about God, heaven, life after death and most importantly, how we know Gods calling us to Him.

I just felt so blessed to be involved in those little things (and thats just a part of the day!) but those little things really mean a lot. It was beautiful and encouraging and all God.

Thank you Jesus for seeing fit to use me in those ways, and sorry when I've not been brave because I felt silly - help me to be more like you.

Stress, Anger and Me

I've been quite 'stressed' lately, but to be honest its all self inflicted. I've been looking at the way busy people live and realising nothing will change unless I want it to. I'm committed to some things now and I won't let people down, but I need to commit to myself that I won't get this busy again. I started thinking about why people stay so busy...I'm sure for some people they enjoy it, but I think for some people its more about feeling guilty about having free time and feeling like a better person when you can talk about your overfilled diary - I know I've had a buzz when people have looked shocked at how much I'm doing. But ultimately when people convince themselves they are victims of their own diary its a lie - I am taking control!

I saw Rachel (my counsellor) on Wednesday and we hit upon something while talking about guilt and shame. Guilt has a base in anger and anger unresolved can be toxic. I have a lot of unresolved anger, mainly with myself. I'm angry with myself about so many things and when I think about why, I think a good half of it is because its easier - If you upset me, and I can find a way to convince myself its my fault then I can be angry with me and I don't have to tell you, risk you being upset with me and try to resolve our relationship.

The problem is that stress and internalised anger is bad for my health in so many ways! It causes obesity, IBS, depression, anxiety, and many other things - my homework this week is to find out more about the consequences, and then my plan is to sort it out over the next few weeks!!

Expect more info soon :)

So Heavenly Focused, You're Of Huge Earthly Good?

Church was amazing today. Yinka preached, and he started with the quote 'So heavenly focused, you're of no earthly good'. And then he said he thinks its nonsense. It made me think (just what you hope for in a good preach!) that quite often we hear a 'quote' and just accept it as truth - I certainly would have with that one - the idea that people can be so embroiled on the idea of the 'next' life that they're missing this one was one that bugged me. But actually Heaven is now. When Jesus died, he said 'it is finished'. We're meant to be 'in the world but not of the world' and we're fighting against 'powers and principalities' not against flesh. Actually we are more useful if we're operating in heavenly realms. We can see things much more clearly, and we can be hugely more effective.

The community cafe I work at is running an Alpha course, and I've been to two. Last week was amazing, but this week I could feel the attack, there was opposition - I felt frustrated when I left but on reflection the opposition is great news - it means we're moving in the right direction, it means we're causing upsets and it means God is with us. It also means we need to make sure we're well protected!

I also offered to help a married woman, just to pray with her and support her. I then had a minor 'tiff' with Martin and I got to thinking that when you put yourself out to fight in a certain area for God, you need to make sure that you are protected in that area of your own life - the best way to undermine any ministry is to have that area of your life in a bad place! Thanks God for giving us eyes to see :)

Well I need to go now - my roast dinner is calling me :)

While I wait for my chinese food.

Ola. Happy New Year!

It's been ages again. Mainly because I never really know what to say! But I've been inspired today to keep this up at least semi-regularly.

Last year was interesting. This year is going to be exciting! Last year was full of lessons and mountains to overcome and this year will be full of blessings and growth.

I've been comparing myself to someone today (usually an error!) I know a young woman who is full of life, and passion for the broken. She reminds me of Jesus in lots of ways, and as I look at her attitude I can't help but think mine is lacking something. But then as I was feeling a bit 'second rate' God revealed something to me. He makes us all different and we all have different purposes, if your eyes are open you get to see that it all works together in a beautiful, complicatedly simple, intricate pattern. There are people who lead people to God and people who lead Gods people. There are people who love the lost and broken and people who love to enable God to fix the found. We are all made to be who we are - the best, most passionate version possible. And that's my aim. I want to be the best Sarah Alice Porton I can be. I want to be a blessing and be blessed.

That's my prayer!

Amen.